Washington may be swampy, but judging by the way many current and former Congresspeople comport themselves, you’d think this place was in the middle of an arid desert. By which we mean: Geez, these people are thirsty.

They’re thirsty for media, for attention, for buzz. So thirsty they’ll jump on TV in the wee hours of the morning, grab any opportunity to appear in front of a microphone, or — God help us — retweet themselves. It’s a thirst so unquenchable, so shameless and so entertaining to behold that it truly deserves an award.

So we made one.

Hollywood has the Oscars. Broadway has the Tonys. And now, courtesy of POLITICO Magazine, Washington has the Thirsties. So gather your friends, make your predictions and, once you’ve sufficiently debated your picks for such illustrious categories as “Creative Shapeshifter” or “Thirstiest for a Promotion,” kick off the only awards season that really matters in This Town.

Speaking of This Town, the Nerd Prom is upon us this White House Correspondents weekend, which means it’s time for POLITICO Weekend’s annual Media Issue. From the president’s news obsession to the disarray behind cable news desks, this issue is jam-packed with juicy stories about the people and platforms that keep us in the know. Keep reading for more.

Oh, and one more thing before you find out who’s desperate enough to get the Thirsty Lifetime Achievement Award: This issue of the newsletter marks POLITICO Weekend’s first birthday! 🎉 Thanks to all our fans for your support. We look forward to providing you with even more of POLITICO Magazine’s most ambitious storytelling in the years to come, and we’d love to hear your ideas for how to improve. You can reach us at poli[email protected].

Now, presenting the Thirsties.

“To be clear, I am NOT calling for competency tests for Sexist middle-aged CNN anchors; only for people who make our laws and are 75+”

Can you guess who tweeted this about former CNN anchor Don Lemon? Scroll to the bottom for the answer.**

Since When Is Jim VandeHei a Guru? … Axios CEO (and POLITICO cofounder) Jim VandeHei is known among journalists as a combative reporter and editor who preached “winning the morning.” But is his true calling as … a lifestyle guru? His weekly writings on business leadership in the Axios newsletter Finish Line — “choose joy,” “be generous,” “assume positive intent” — have turned the eyes of media types who knew him as a swashbuckler, not a self-help type. “Was the old image incomplete? Or did something change to turn Mr. Admirer-of-People-Who-Break-Things into Mr. Admirer-of-Uncommon-Humility?” asks Michael Schaffer in this week’s Capital City column. “Or is there some other dynamic going on, one that says something about the larger ecosystem of the capital?”

The abrupt firing of Fox News’ Tucker Carlson and CNN’s Don Lemon rocked the world of cable news this week. Haven’t tuned in? These talking points should get you through your next on-air segment. (From POLITICO’s Ekaterina Pechenkina.)

- Just how abruptly did the ax fall on Carlson? Well, Fox was still promoting his 8 p.m. primetime news show just hours before issuing a statement about firing him. As for Lemon, he tweeted that he was “stunned” by his termination, but CNN tweeted that his statement was “inaccurate,” and that he had a chance to speak to management before the announcement.

- While there was no reason given for either of the firings, both Carlson and Lemon faced controversy before their departures. On top of the embarrassing texts discovered during Fox’s legal battle with Dominion voting systems, Carlson is getting sued by his former head of booking, Abby Grossberg, who alleges that he contributed to a toxic and sexist work environment. Charges of sexism followed Lemon, as well, including his gaffe in February, when he said presidential candidate Nikki Haley “isn’t in her prime,” which for women, apparently, is age 20 to “maybe 40s.”

- But don’t get too wrapped up in what “people familiar with the matter” say. When your friends start speculating about the deluge of anonymous sources commenting on Carlson’s departure, ask them if people unaccountable to their own statements are the best to hear from when it comes to media gossip.

- Many liberals of course celebrated Calson’s firing, but reactions among the political class varied. Are you a moderate conservative? You might be on team Liz Cheney, who said it was “about time” for Carlson to be fired after all the host’s “lies and defamation.” More a MAGA die-hard? You’re more likely to be on team Lauren Boebert, who tweeted that she “STANDS” with Carlson, in all-caps. As for the Pentagon, a favorite target of Carlson’s, one Department of Defense official told POLITICO, “Good riddance.”

- You’re no doubt wondering if Carlson will run for president. (At least one presidential contender thinks he should.) Tell your friends what Republican strategist Dave Kochel told us: “Could he win an Iowa Caucus? I mean, Mike Huckabee did.”

Biden’s Secret Oval Office TV … Joe Biden may not be a cable junkie like his predecessor, but that doesn’t mean he’s not concerned with his image in the media. In fact, Eli Stokols reports, the president is an avid news consumer — keeping a close eye on who defends him on TV, calling up his favorite columnists and, yes, even keeping a secret TV in the Oval Office, usually tuned to CNN. And while he’s not about to go on an “enemy of the American people”-style rant, sometimes coverage does get under his skin.

Ron DeSantis’ Favorite Website … Gov. Ron DeSantis has made antagonism toward the media an integral part of his image, icing out “legacy” reporters to the delight of his base. But he has gotten cozy with a group of small, right-wing outlets popping up around Florida, chief among them the Florida Standard, a culture warring website driven by mysterious funding that reads a bit like a gubernatorial press release, slightly singed by the culture war. The week the Standard launched, it scored an unprecedented sit-down interview with DeSantis, and when the state banned an AP African American studies course, it was the Standard that got the first copy of the syllabus, leading to links from NBC and the New York Times. But if DeSantis does jump into the presidential race, niche conservative websites aren’t going to win him a battle for oxygen against the attention black hole that is Donald Trump. So, what’s a little website with dreams of a DeSantis presidency to do? Holly Otterbein went to Florida to talk to Standard editor Will Witt about how he found himself at the center of the governor’s media bubble — and how his strategy will play out in the coming GOP primary.

Donald Trump’s peculiar and obsessive relationship with the media has taken decades to shape. With a new chapter beginning, and lawsuits coming from all directions, it helps to go back to the beginning, when things were simpler — but not that simple. In the 1980s, the reckless developer was first earning attention as a constant seeker of the limelight, even going to absurd lengths to ensure coverage. When he was feeling needy, he would impersonate a press agent named “John Miller” to phone in tips to reporters about where Trump could be sighted. The strategy worked, and Trump enjoyed a long bath of attention from the tabloids, and from other media outlets as well. Including Spy, a satirical magazine that fed off New York’s constant bombast. Trump was almost too easy a target. Month after month, Spy skewered him for his latest exploits. While he protested (especially the magazine’s allegations that his hands and fingers were abnormally small), he seemed to love the attention, too. In fact, Spy and Trump seemed to need each other, as the April 1988 issue revealed. The “Nice Issue,” as it was called, hilariously, showed the magazine in a new voice, declaring Trump to be “a heck of a guy,” along with other fawning articles about “glamorous gals who never age” and the joy of living in Queens. As if to prove that Trump and Spy were mutually dependent, the developer posed on the cover. A rare copy is available on eBay for $212.49. (From historian Ted Widmer.)

**Who Dissed answer: It was presidential candidate Nikki Haley, responding to an on-air segment in which Lemon said Haley was not in her “prime,” and referencing her pointed proposal to require mental competency tests for politicians over the age of 75 — which would include both frontrunners in the presidential race.

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